Day 8: #DealingwithheartbreaksThe Process of Forgiveness - RELATIONSHIP CAPSULES

Forgiveness is not just about saying that "I have forgiven him or her", it's way more than that. It's an intentional act.

For so many years, I kept claiming that I had forgiven my Ex. When people asked me, I simply said; "Oh, it's all over. I have moved on and my life is better than it was. I'm even grateful for the series of heartbreaks."

What I didn't know was that, I was only fencing around with words. What if I met him again, would I still feel the hurt?

As I started this series on #DealingwithHeartbreaks, right at the middle of the series, I got a call from him. My heart melted, I didn't expect it. I started to feel nervous. I wanted to know why he left me. I wanted to know what I did. I wanted to know so many things and that's where I realised it wasn't over in my mind. A series of events happened after all because I felt betrayed by few things that happened along the line. All these events began to open up the hurt I felt. I cried at some point but I knew it was for the end of it all.

Then I got a surprise visit by Jacqueline who spoke to me as a friend and she led me into the real act of forgiveness. That very moment, I felt a burden leave me. I felt as though I was released from the cage. I felt like a bird. I feel that her coming was divine because I wasn't expecting her.

And yeah I had to pray for all involved and I emptied my heart totally. Since then, I have felt like a free woman again. I owe nothing to anyone and I know that I have been freed.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you will forget, it only means that you will feel less or no pain when you remember. Forgiveness is also not easy, I mean not easy at all, sometimes you may have to follow the process around it to get to your point of letting go finally. I have gotten to my own stage but you need to make it happen. Not until you pick out the lessons around the experience, forgiveness or moving on will remain a myth.

Forgiveness is not about imagining it. There are some steps you must take also. You need to really pour out your mind and empty yourself.

Sometimes, you might have to break the silence with a call. Sometimes you might have to bridge the gap or make a move that can lead to the end. Ask questions, pour out your mind, let it come out of you knowing that it's the end.

You need to change the meaning attached to it at that point. Rather than seeing it as a bad event, you can replace it with new meanings and  languages like: "My beautiful experience." " The lost part of me is found again" "The eye opening event that has changed my life". Whatever you choose is okay. You need to follow the process well. You may have to write it out and cry. You may have to imagine a real life situation and voice out. Your mind cannot identify the difference between a real life experience and an imaginary one. Don't just say you have forgiven, go the extra mile to prove it.

Remember in the last series, I mentioned that it is necessary to forgive because it sets you free and let out all the negative emotions in you. It doesn't approve the act itself but helps you learn and move on. Life is too short to remain in the past.

Permit me to say that I know how it feels to be hurt in various ways. Your story might seem worse but there is no new thing under the sun. Your story is most likely going to be a breakthrough process for others. In the next series, I will share on how your story helps others when you embrace it.

I hope you receive the strength to pass this phase successfully. I'm glad at the numerous feedback I have gotten including the guest posts too. I have also created an 8 weeks program that can help you through the process. You can reach me if you are interested.