Day 1: Admitting the pain - RELATIONSHIP CAPSULES

 

When it hurts most

I spent a long time ignoring the pains of my heartbreaks. I refused to accept all that happened. I kept searching for reasons and that made me blind to the lessons.

Because I didn't admit, deal and face the hurts, it had a way of dealing with me. It manifested in the way I unconsciously ignored men, developed low self-esteem by assuming that I wasn't good enough and I didn't deserve to get a better person.

Eventually, as my life unraveled, I found myself focusing on other things and ignoring the part of me that needed attention. I denied myself social life, friendship and confidence. The fear I had in me, that kept me in an emotionally abusive relationship crept in so deep that I felt I could never start all over again.

I got more busy in church work, hobbies, social media and my "alone time" rather than dealing with the hurt. I kept imagining a come back.

Along the line, I fell in love with a deep relationship with God and began to understand the difference between being religious and really seeking God.

All the while I had my relationships, I was ever confident that I had the right skills. I felt I knew the wrong and right way and couldn't be misled. I always acted strong and tough but somehow, I learnt my lessons.

One of the issues I developed was in the area of loving myself. I struggled so much with it. I even struggled more with the fact that "Does God really love me?". I ignored my self. I hated my experiences but during my "me-time" with God, I began to see more light and thank God to my friend turned fiance now, he kept assuring me of God's love in spite of my mess.

I had been through rejection from friends, betrayals, disappointments, addictions and then got my heartbroken again by someone who I must have loved more than life itself.

Learning how much God loved me boosted my ability to face the truths which helped me to begin a process of letting go.

You know that moment when you feel you have nothing else to offer to the world? Yeah, that moment? That's when you really have enough to start.

Maybe you are going through heartbreaks, disappointments and more, please don't give up yet. I never knew I could come this far. I never knew I could be so loved again. Sometimes I argue about being loved this much.

Empowered by the understanding of God's purpose and love for me, I began a new journey. A divine journey. A journey to set myself free from the past and heal others too. This was my calling but I was deaf to it. God needed to put me through some experiences that would kick-start it.

You may think your past or pain is more than every other pain in this world, but relax, be grateful!

Have you paused to find out what's really happening? What you should learn? Why you should move on?

There is more to that hurt and we can find out together.

In the next few days, I will be sharing some ways to deal with heartbreaks.